Are You Aware of Yourself?

My name is Jean. I am a 47-year-old woman. I have cerebral palsy. I’ve looked at some people and tried to understand them. I know I don’t have a high IQ but come on. When I was younger, I didn’t know much of anything. As I got mature and got some intelligence, I became aware of myself and my surroundings. For instance:

I’m aware of: my addictions.

I’m aware of: the mistakes I’ve made, and I try not to do them again.

I’m aware of: my not having children. I learned at a somewhat reasonable age I didn’t want kids. I don’t have the patience. I wouldn’t have been a good parent, so I had my tubes tied. I haven’t regretted it.

I’m aware of: when I try to explain something, I don’t do it very well. That’s why I have someone with to help me. I can do it when it’s simple and short term, and try to find the right words. 

I’m aware of: the way I walk (STIFF). I’m trying to loosen up; my muscles are getting tighter.

I’m aware of: the fact that some people out in this world of ours think that disabled people are ignorant, that we don’t know how to take care of ourselves. I had a incident 9/25/05 at a store where I fell. My crutch tips were so worn they had tears in them. The manager came to see me, to see if I was all right. I said I was fine. She proceded to tell me—and show me—that my tips were bad. She was talking at me, not to me.

I’m aware of: my voice. The tone has a strong but weak sound. When I get tired it starts to sound weak and that’s O.K. When I am talking to someone, I try to have a firm sounding tone. 

I’m aware of: my trying to help too much when I meet someone who needs help. Sometimes they like to overdo it. You don’t want to offend them either.

I’m aware of: when a serious situation comes up, I have this defect that comes up that I do not like. I start to laugh. I don’t particularly like this trait, but it’s a part of me.

I’m aware of: when I’m talking to someone, I don’t look straight at them. I look anywhere else. I don’t particularly like this trait either, but I’m doing the best I can.

And with that I’ll close.

Who are you?