Openly ‘Insane’ journalist ‘Comes Out’

Am I crazy, or is it strange that Anoka County will pay for me to live in Group Residential Housing with a gay male roommate but not with a female? If they’re trying to prevent sexual contact why don’t they prohibit gay men from rooming together? Is this reverse discrimination?

Sasha is an openly gay man with disabilities. That’s cool. In fact, through Sasha, the hand of providence reached out and slapped me upside the head.

Homosexuality used to carry more stigma than it does today. I attribute this to people like Sasha who had the courage to step out of the closet and declare “I’m gay!” regardless of the consequences. Sasha isn’t the first gay man to come out of the closet, just the first I’ve had as a roommate.

This isn’t the first mental illness article I’ve published in Access Press either; there was Prisons: Are They the New State Hospitals? in October of ’05 and Mentally Ill and Homeless in March of ’06. This is, however, the article in which I come out and admit I’m crazy.

I’ve got a dual diagnosis— mentally ill and chemically dependant. I’ve got Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which is an anxiety disorder, Bi-Polar Disorder (f/k/a Manic Depression), and a sleep disorder. I’ve also got a tendency to drink myself comatose, since alcohol is the most effective anti-anxiety/insomnia medication of which I know.

For prompt temporary relief of anxiety and sleeplessness, try alcohol! Many patients have reported feeling virtually indestructible and passing out after just a few dozen drinks. Ask your doctor if alcohol is right for you! (Sarcasm, of course.)

Admitting insanity allows me to ask for reasonable accommodation under ADA. For instance: Now that I’m sober, I can virtually guarantee that if I land an interview for any job I really want, I’ll go manic, which will trigger my insomnia. Therefore, I may not present as well as job candidates who have slept during the preceding week and aren’t having a panic attack right before your eyes. Admitting I’m mentally ill may be better than being perceived as a practicing meth addict.

Being openly insane also liberates me to admit my failure to comprehend many of the thoughts and deeds of the sane. Before I proceed, I should insert this disclaimer: The following is the demented rambling of an addled mind, and should not be taken to represent the opinion of Access Press, or of anyone else with a shred of lucidity.

Sane logic often eludes me. I don’t get why billionaire owners of sports franchises deserve government assistance more than people with disabilities. A stadium is a place of business for a team owner, and when those guys threaten to move they often get taxpayer assisted financing. My friend Tim told me that when he was paralyzed after his accident, the Social Security Administration at first rejected his disability claim. Do sane people think those who can move deserve help more than those who can’t?

National health insurance has been called “socialized medicine.” Right now the government insures many poor, old and sick people (me included) through Medicare, Medicaid, medical assistance, etc. It’s guaranteed to lose money insuring us. I’m just too nuts to fathom how also insuring those healthy and wealthy enough to be profitable customers would cause a tax increase that wouldn’t be offset by the elimination of health insurance premiums. If I was sane enough to earn seven figures as CEO of a non-profit HMO I’m sure I’d understand.

Minnesota’s governor added a “health impact user fee,” to the price of cigarettes. I don’t know anyone sane enough to understand the difference between that and a tax. I’ve got one friend who makes too much money working at a fast-food restaurant to qualify for medical assistance. Since the new “fee” is supposed to cover smokers’ health costs, she wrote the governor asking where to sign up for her free smokers’ health insurance. She’s a little nutty too.

Speaking of taxes, I’ve heard that if you laid all the world’s economists end to end they’d never reach a conclusion, but one thing they agree on is that the U.S. economy is 60-70% consumer driven. Call me crazy, but wouldn’t tax cuts for the most efficient consumers be the best way to stimulate the economy?

I worked for nearly 30 years and I’ve got nothing to show for it, so I’m 100% efficient as a consumer! Other than the thousand dollars I once spent on a Mexican vacation, every penny I ever earned was spent in America, where it was taxed virtually every time it changed hands.

I need a job to help stimulate America’s economy! It might also help me get a place where I can have female company (if I can find one who’s willing) and enjoy a cigarette indoors next winter now that the Minnesota legislature has established a causal relationship between smoking and frostbite. So remember Crazy Charlie’s Discount Journalism, where our prices aren’t all that’s openly insane!